Archive for the Bang Marry Kill Category

The 2015 Bang, Marry, Kill Orgy: Rob Cohen, The Wachowski Siblings, George Miller, Tarsem Singh & J.J. Abrams.

Posted in Action, Action, Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Comedy, Date Movies, Drama, Sci Fi/ Fantasy, Thriller, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2016 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

To answer your last question, yes, the Dutch eat farts.

I did it last year, so in the spirit of not having anything better to do, here’s the 2015 Bang, Marry, Kill wrap-up.

BB-8 approves

BB-8 approves!

What? I reviewed 5-ish directors in 2015 for movieMixology’s Bang, Marry, Kill series. Each right before they released new movies into theaters, in a crass attempt to piggy-back site clicks off their hard work. All while I nurtured my alcohol addiction and lazily threw out dick jokes.

The tortured artists: Rob Cohen, The Wachowski Siblings, George Miller, Tarsem Singh and J.J. Abrams.

Their 2015 masterpieces: The Boy Next Door, Jupiter Ascending, Mad Max: Fury Road, Self/less and Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens.

Continue reading

Bang, Marry, Kill: J.J. Abrams

Posted in Action, Action, Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Comedy, Sci Fi/ Fantasy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2015 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

“Buy your tickets for Star Wars Episode 7 yet?”

“Nah, the prequels sucked, Laz.”

“That was different, man. J.J. Abrams is directing this one, not George Lucas. It’ll be good!”

“You sure? What was his last movie?” Continue reading

Bang, Marry, Kill: Tarsem Singh

Posted in Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Comedy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 10, 2015 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

We’re deep into the summer movie season. Max’s have been mad, Avengers have assembled, and Chris Pratt had a topless, Top Gun-style volleyball montage with raptorsSo which director’s body of work should I be an immature jerk towards in a futile attempt to cope with my own crippling inability to accomplish anything of significance?

There’s lot’s of big movies left to choose from, so instead let’s look at the really obscure director that no one’s heard of because he keeps changing his damn name with every movie he releases.

It’s like click-bait reverse psychology. By practically daring you not to click the link, you’ll click it so fast that the server room (aka Maurice’s porn dungeon) will explode and release the souls of all those 1920’s bootleggers buried in his basement.

Subject: Tarsem Singh

Source

Occupation(s): Director. Guy who always has that smirk when you cut a silent fart in a crowded elevator.

Continue reading

Bang, Marry, Kill: George Miller

Posted in Articles, Bang Marry Kill, Comedy with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2015 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

 Subject: George Miller

George_Miller_-_Happy_Feet_2

Source

Birth date: He refused to leave the womb until the Battle of Manila was over. George began making bold political statements from a very young (fetal) age.

Birth place: The nightmare factory known as Australia; where you have to check the toilets for murder before sitting, and even the teddy bears have poisonous fangs that spit acid.

Occupation: Harry Potter cosplayer. Director.

Best known for: Giving the world Mel Gibson and gay penguins. But unfortunately not in the same movie…

Continue reading

Bang, Marry, Kill: The Wachowski Siblings

Posted in Action, Articles, Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Laz's View, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2015 by notlaz

 

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

Hey, the Wachowski Brothers Siblings have a movie coming out this week… Click the article. Do it. Click it. Click it. Click it!

Click Me!

Subject(s): The Wachowski Siblings

We look like the villains in our own movies!

We look like the villains in our own movies.

Source

Birth dates: One on the same day as Chinese Astronaut, Yang Liwei. The other during Star Trek’s “Trouble with Tribbles” episode (which inspired some of Orci & Kurtzman’s biggest unintentional laughs).

Hometown: They grew up in the same mean streets that created some of history’s greatest monsters: Al Capone, John Wayne Gacy, Richard Speck, and Jenny McCarthy.

Occupations: Former Jay & Silent Bob cosplayers. Current Eastern European rave-club owners. Directors.

Best known for: The Matrix

Continue reading

Bang, Marry, Kill: Rob Cohen

Posted in Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Laz's View, New Releases with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2015 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_LogoAfter BMKing Paul Thomas Anderson, I needed a break from watching good movies. All this compelling storytelling, complex characters and creative visuals was getting to be too much.

I almost stopped lighting my farts long enough to read a book for Christ’s sake!

Luckily it’s January, when studios dump out all the garbage that’s too embarrassing to release the rest of the year. But who should I chose? Michael Mann’s movies are 90% inhaling farts, 10% monkey with machine guns and a GoPro. David Koepp’s deal with Satan was exclusively to create visual sedatives. And Olivier Megaton is a French midget with a stupid name. Not a lot of options…

Wait, who’s the guy they call when Michael Bay is too subtle? When Brett Ratner is too story driven? When Joel Schumacher just isn’t gay enough?

I know!

Continue reading

The Bang, Marry, Kill, 2014 Orgy: Kevin Smith, Christopher Nolan, The Farrelly Brothers and Paul Thomas Anderson.

Posted in Articles, Bang Marry Kill, Comedy, Laz's View with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2015 by notlaz

Bang_Marry_Kill_Logo

Hey, weirdo. What’s up?

I’m trying out a lazy method of delivering information to the reader by talking to myself.

I’d say you’re off to a bad start.

Me too. I also reviewed four Directors this year via movieMixology’s Bang, Marry, Kill segment. Each right before they released new movies into theaters, in a disgusting attempt to piggy-back site clicks off their work.

Neat, which Directors? I don’t read your site.

Kevin Smith, Christopher Nolan, The Farrelly Brothers and Paul Thomas Anderson.

So now you’re going to review Tusk, Interstellar, Dumb & Dumber To and Inherent Vice?

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: